


A Conversation

by majorhtom



Series: Lean on Me [2]
Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bonding, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Isolation, Loneliness, Medicinal Drug Use, One Shot, Recreational Drug Use, death mentions, here comes mike destroyer of worlds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 12:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17939795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majorhtom/pseuds/majorhtom
Summary: Joel and Mike talk in Joel's living room about their respective times on the Satellite Of Love and how they adjusted to coming back to Earth.Title from the Mary Poppins Returns song of the same name.





	A Conversation

Joel opened his little bottle of painkillers, tipped one out into his hand and swallowed it with the cup of water that was on his coffee table. 

“It must have been weird for you coming off the SOL though.” Mike said. “I know it was for me.” 

“I’m not gonna lie, Mike. It was very weird. The whole world had changed so much. I’d _missed_  so much-I’d missed a war, the end of the Cold War, the fall of the Berlin Wall, an entire presidential term...” Joel listed. “You probably can’t imagine coming down from space after so many years thinking America was still in a stand-off with the Soviets. But... they weren’t. Nor are they called Soviets anymore.” 

“You’re right. I can’t imagine that.” Mike nodded. “But I did miss almost the entirety of the 90s. I was shot up there in 1993 and came back down in 1999. The world had also moved on in that time. Everyone was freaking out about... Y2K. It was freaky coming down after all that time-that’s kinda why I sought you out.”

“The feeling of having to adjust from artificial gravity back to natural gravity-“

“Oh my god yes!” Mike exclaimed. “And getting to eat food that isn’t dehydrated in some way.”

“Nothing tastes worse than dehydrated food.” Joel said. “That’s why I had all that weed.” 

Mike’s eyebrows shot up. “What?” 

“Wait, you’re telling me you _didn’t_ find my cannabis plants up there?” 

“I’m sorry, you grew _weed_?” Mike blinked. 

“Yeah.” Joel said. “I grew it. And I baked it into half the food I ate up there.” 

“Don’t you _smoke_ weed?” 

“Not on a satellite.” Joel said. “That would have killed us all.” 

“Honestly, I still can’t get past the fact that you’re a pothead.” Mike said. 

“I don’t eat it _now_.” Joel shrugged. “But while I was up there, yeah, I did.” 

“What about the bots-“

“No way. If _you_ didn’t know until now about my cannabis plants, the bots didn’t tell you which means they don’t know. And you know they would-well, especially _Crow_ would-tell you anything about me.” 

“Why weed?” 

“I had to get through those movies somehow and you’ve obviously never seen Gamera.” Joel said. “It’s... not a movie you’d ever want to see if you _weren’t_ high.”

“What... else did you get up to up there that I don’t know about?” Mike asked. 

“I had a couple of stuffed toys. I used to talk to them and pretend they were Dr Forrester and Dr Erhardt or, later on, TV’s Frank. Then I’d punch them and throw them and step on their heads, eat a pot brownie and feel much better.” Joel said. 

“I know those teddies.” Mike said. “I used to talk to them too. And make them kiss. I was so lonely.” 

“I could deal with the loneliness.” Joel said. “I prefer to be alone.” 

“I couldn’t. It nearly drove me insane. In fact, on more than a few occasions the isolation just... it _got to me_ , Joel.” Mike clenched his jaw. 

“It got to me too though, Mike.” Joel said. “I should have expected to be marooned somewhere, given my last name and all-“

“Robinson?” Mike asked. “But why? It’s a perfectly common last name, just like Nelson.” 

“The _Swiss_ Family Robinson, The _Space_ Family Robinson, Lost in Space, Robinson Crusoe and Joel Robinson.” Joel listed. “All Robinsons. All marooned.” 

Mike frowned as he considered Joel’s list. “Yeah, that _is_ weird. Why is that all castaways have the name Robinson?” 

Joel shrugged. “No idea.” He said. “I just wish I didn’t have to add myself to that list.”

“I’m on the marooned guy list and my last name isn’t Robinson, it’s Nelson.” Mike said. “Though, I suppose it was... nice... to be away from my family, it wasn’t so nice to be away from everyone else on the planet.” 

“Why don’t you like your family?” Joel asked. “I would have loved to be with my family. My mom. My dad. Jim.” 

“You know about Eddie. But my parents are just as... jerk-y as he is.” Mike said. “My grandma’s the only decent family member I got. So I tried to contact her to rescue me.”

“Obviously it didn’t work.” 

“No, it didn’t.” Mike paused. “Why didn’t _you_ try that? Asking family members for help, I mean.” 

“My parents weren’t exactly the best.” Joel said. “They tried, don’t get me wrong and they loved me all the same. But they weren’t the best. And Jim...” He shook his head. “He would have been too busy with his own wife and kids by then.” 

“Still, you could have _asked_ him.” 

“Would _you_ ask _Eddie_ for help?” 

“I didn’t.” Mike said.

“Exactly.” Joel said. “How did your family react to your return?”

“Honestly, I don’t think they even noticed I was gone. And I was gone for six years.” 

“Yeesh.” 

“And yours?” 

“I left Australia when I learned my mom had cancer. I made it back just before she died. Dad... Dad had already died of a stroke while I was up there. And I didn’t know it.” 

“Man, that’s...” Mike shook his head, not knowing what to say. 

Joel nodded. 

“I’m so sorry, Joel.”

“It’s just me and Jim now. And his kids. And the bots.” Joel said. “I _literally_ created my own family. And I suppose they’re your family now too.” 

“It’s funny,” Mike said, “your family were good and they’re dead and my family are all alive, but they’re abusive and terrible. We’ve both managed to find family in Cambot, Gypsum, Servo and Crow.” 

“And each other.” Joel said. 

“Mr Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?” 

“I’m straight, Mike.” 

“Well I’m not. I’m bi.” 

“Good for you, your dating pool is twice as large.” 

“And everyone knows me as the second MST3K guy, but nobody else on this planet understands being trapped in space and being forced to watch bad movies except you.” Mike complained. “Everyone else thinks it was fake and broadcast from Minnesota and that the bots are puppets...”

“Eew. I built them. I _know_ they aren’t puppets.” 

“Probably the same people saying it that believe in chemtrails and that lizard people control the world.” Mike said. 

Joel chuckled. “Lizard people?” 

“I don’t know much conspiracy theories. I’ve been off the planet for the last six years.” Mike said. “Up on the Satellite Of Love, travelling through time and space-“

“Time travel?” Joel frowned. “I thought that was impossible.” 

“I spent five hundred years as a being of pure energy at the edge of the universe. I think I’d know what’s possible.” Mike said. 

“Geez, Mike, I can’t relate to that.” Joel said. 

“You know what else, I can breathe in space.” Mike said. “I’m like a tardigrade.” 

“Maybe that’s why people think MST3K was a show shot and produced in Minnesota.” Joel reasoned. “So you have _actual_ superpowers. Mike, that’s cool.” 

“Nah.” Mike shook his head. “I’m not as cool as you are. You’re just... you built these four robots with free will. They’re the most awesome things I’ve ever seen. And when I tried to build a robot...”

“Yeah?” Joel gently pressed. 

“... it tried to kill us all.” Mike finished. “And I couldn’t even fix the SOL when it was breaking down. You’re there shooting yourself up into space, fixing it up and risking your own life and-and you manage a Hot Fish Shop. You’re just... you’re just so cool.” 

“You can breathe in space and you survived five hundred years as a being of pure energy at the edge of the universe. You’ve travelled through time and space. You actually tried to escape the Mads. Mike, you’re _way_ cooler than I am, or could ever hope to be.” Joel said. “I’m just a stoner janitor who got himself kidnapped and developed Stockholm Syndrome.”

“No, you’re awesome. I’m just a stupid temp.” 

“You’re not stupid, Mike.” 

“Joel, I blew up three planets.” 

“Wait-what?!” 

“We were lost through time and space. I-it was an accident. All three were accidents.” 

“You blew up three planets?!” 

“Exactly! That’s why you’re so much better than me!” Mike said. “You’re Joel Robinson, awesome space ace inventor, creator, maker, doer, pioneer and I’m... Mike Nelson, destroyer of worlds.” 

“Well...”

“I knew you wouldn’t relate to that.” Mike said with a nod. “That’s why my dating pool is so... it’s nonexistent.” 

“You’re not me, Mike. And I’m not you. I’d never blow up three planets.” 

“I wouldn’t either, on purpose.” Mike said. “Just like it was an accident that I killed the nanites-the little robots on the SOL-and... uh, broke the Hubble Telescope.”

Joel stared at Mike blankly, jaw open, not knowing what to say. 

**Author's Note:**

> Not much to say about this one. It didn't really fit anywhere else, but I didn't want to get rid of it because it's Joel and Mike bonding over their shared-and not so shared-experiences and has some foreshadowing for later.


End file.
